You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
