There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
