my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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