so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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