Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
