I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
