You're my little dorito
I will die if light touches me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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