Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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