He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
