And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
