none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
