Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
