Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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