I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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