Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
