allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no, he came in my armpit
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
