this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
