Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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