There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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