tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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