he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
