and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
