I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
