I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
