and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
