I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize