Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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