She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
