could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
