dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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