You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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