MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
