Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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