I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
