just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
