I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
