words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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