my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
