I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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