Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
