her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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