Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
