She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
