you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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