Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
