is your mom at the bar?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
