Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
