You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
