I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
