sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
