I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
