My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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