dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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