I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
