A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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