my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.