Just fell off a train. Bad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.