Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
