I just cut my nipple shaving
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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