some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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