Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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