How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
