just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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