I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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