Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
